Warriors Interview
by Dove's Quill
Summary: Here we interview our favorite warrior stars and... make fun of them!
1. Firestar

Cast

Eveningpaw: Me, host

Billowpaw: Brother, nuisance

Sleetfoot:Make up

Fogpaw: Camera

ALL THE OTHER CATS: THEMSELVES

Ok, let's get this show on the road! Well, the thunderpath! To SQUISHVILLE...

Eveningpaw: Hey there folks! Time for the Warriors interview!

Billowpaw, eating chocolate: Tootsie Rollllssss.

Eveningpaw:.. anywhoos, here is our first contestant... Firestar! (Points at the studio door)

Firestar, pouncing at what was where a mouse was: Heh Wha? Where is my prey, you load of crowfood!! HUH HUH?

Eveningpaw: Ok, Rusty (Firestar: it's Firestar), you are in the Warriors Interview-

Firestar: Can you PLEASE hurry up? I'm supposed to catch prey for my hungry clan in the middle of the barran climates of leaf-bare, and you have me here, you...you... who are you, anyway?

Eveningpaw, points at the screen of her and the words, EVENINGPAW

Firestar: I can't read.

Billowpaw: That clearly says, SUBWAY, EAT FRESh (looks pointedly at his sister, head in paws), hey, I know that you change your name a lot, but Subway?

Firestar: What the Dark Forest is SUBWAY?!

Eveningpaw, hissing: You doof, Rusty, Billowpaw, that is our sponser!

Firestar: You dare?

Eveningpaw: We are wasting time, people! Mr. Rusty-

Firestar: For the last time, my name is FIRESTAR!!!

Eveningpaw, glaring: Ok, FIRESTAR-grunt- what is your favorite cabbage patch play toy?

Firestar: what?

Eveningpaw, continuing as if he didn't say anything: Firestar. Lonely cat that has the burden of constipation and is addicted to chewing catmint.

Firestar: what are you...

Eveingpaw: Firestar. One time leader with the hunger for slaughtering rabbits and eating his own toenails.

Firestar: What is this horrid place?

Eveningpaw: Firestar. He only acts like a goodie four shoes when his clanmates are around.

Firestar: You crowfood eating mousebrained piece of foxdung, go back to the Dark Forest, where you belong, you mousedung... (profanities drift of as he runs out of ideas after he insults Eveningpaw's kin)

Eveningpaw: Firestar. The only cat stupid enough to prove my point.

Firestar: Die, you mangled... (throws a rock)

Eveningpaw, dodging easily: Firestar. A bad kitty. Every cat talks about him behind his back.

Firestar growls. and chucks a stick at her, which she ducked.

Eveningpaw, dodging all the things that Firestar was throwing at her: Firestar. Mentally violent. He- OW!

Firestar had chucked Billowpaw at her, but he was dancing around, as he sprained his paw.

Eveningpaw, in a hurry, studio in chaos:Good night everyone! *hissing* Fogpaw. Turn the camera off.(Puts paw on camera)

**PLEASE STAND BY**

**BEEEEEPPPPPP**


	2. Squirrelflight

............................

"Ah!!!" Sandstorm jumped back in fright as Firestar literally appeared out of nowhere.

"GAH!" Cloudtail huffed as Firestar's glutius maximus landed on his back "the pain!!!"

"Where did you come from, Firestar?" asked a wary Berrynose. Squirrelflight watched her father get off of Cloudtail, calling out names that she had only heard that Firestar had said in his 'alone time' as he called it. Maybe he spied on him, too. She really needed some friends.

...............................

Eveningpaw: Sorry about the.. er... recent incident. The only being harmed here was Firestar physically... and me... but seeing.... Billowpaw's....er....Welcomeback to!-

Billowpaw: Burp.

Eveningpaw:... any whoos, it is time for...

WARRIORS INTERVIEW!!!!

Eveningpaw: today we have... Billowpaw? The paper?

Billowpaw: huh? wha? Oh. (hands the paper)

Eveninpaw, looking over with annoyance on face: Billowpaw, this is your laundry pass.

Billowpaw, blushing: GIMME THAT! (snatches and gives the correct one to her)

Eveningpaw, glaring: Ok. For tonight we have... (presses a button)

SQUIRRELFLIGHT!!! (turns to her brother) woah, we have Firestar's... um... spawn.......

Billowpaw: hee hee hee.

Eveningpaw: Sleetfoot, hit the button!

Sleetfoot, sniggering: (beep)

The doors opened to Squirrelflight, who seemed to have been battling and yowling furiously.

Squirrelflight: You piece of cowardly foxdung! Don't step in my... hey, what?

Eveningpaw: she has his genes, though not that intense, thank goodness for Sandstorm.

Squirrelflight: you spy on him too?

Billowpaw: *cough*

Eveningpaw: uh no... well, not really... so....

Squirrelflight: How did I get here?

Eveningpaw: Do you REALLY want to know?

Squirrelflight, deliberating: I guess not.

Billowpaw: Smart. IF YOU DID, you will surely regret it.

Eveningpaw: OK! Lights, Sleetpaw!

*Lights turn purple*

Eveningpaw: seriously.

*off, a spotlight on stage*

Eveningpaw: Squirrelflight. An unfortunate she-cat that had been born to Firestar.

Squirrelflight: yep.

Eveningpaw, surprised at the agreement but poker faced: Squirrelflight. Has a really weird name that is similar to Voleflower or something like that.

Squirrelflight: I blame my pop.

Eveningpaw: Squirrelflight. Tortured the cat that she just fought. Sassy and has angerment issues. Needs therapy.

Squirrelflight: runs in the family.

Eveningpaw, uncomfortable: er... right.... LIGHTS ON!

Squirrelflight, shocked: why?

Eveningpaw: ARG! I can't do anything random when they cooperate!!! *runs off*

Squirrelflight: that's what I do. Can I go now?

Billowpaw: please.

She strolled to the door, and muttered, 'Watch out, Brambleclaw. I'm coming back to get you..."

Author's note: we need more sponsers than Subway (not true, just a parody). You can ask, and I'll put your username on! Free!


	3. Jayfeather

Author's Note: Thanks, Moonstream-warrior, for submitting the suggestion of Jayfeather. If you want to submitt a cat to interview, then do it! We'll do it!

AND: Fogpaw and Sleetfoot are my creations... minions... MUHAHAHA!! Seriously, I do a better one than all the other villans I have heard!

AND: I wrote everything, and myself only.

-------------------------------------------

Eveningpaw: Lights! Camera! ACTION!!!

Billowpaw: and cheese.

Fogpaw and Sleetfoot: *cough*

Eveningpaw: Today, we have a fan letter! Read, Billowpaw!

Billowpaw: Your discount is 5 dollars and...

Eveningpaw: You still have the laundry pass?

Billowpaw:...

Eveningpaw: *gasp* you are resuing it, aren't you?

Billowpaw: Don't tell Meadowtail!

Eveningpaw: What ever.

Billowpaw, getting the real submit: 'Do Jayfeather.' From Moonstream-warrior.

Eveningpaw: Good idea! And we'll do it! (Presses buttons)... Huh, another one of Firestar's spawn.

Jayfeather: SNORE

Eveningpaw: Prod him.

Billowpaw: (poking)

Jayfeather: Who are you? (leaps on paws) (fur bristling)

Eveningpaw: You are in...

WARRIORS INTERVIEW!

Jayfeather: I'm a medicine cat.

Eveningpaw: Thank you, Mr. Obvious. Hee hee. Leah came up with that one.

Jayfeather: WHO?

Billowpaw: Can I poke you? You're squishy... (moves closer)

Jayfeather: (slides back) I'm afraid.

Eveningpaw: as you should be.

Jayfeather: Uh... HELP!

Eveningpaw: Don't worry. This is normal.

Jayfeather: then you are weird.

Billowpaw: thanks.

Eveningpaw: OK... Jayfeather. Lonely cat that only has his littermates to confide to.

Jayfeather:(growls)

(Eveningpaw: Even though he is my role model, I have to insult him. It's was we do. )

Eveningpaw: Jayfeather. Sometimes, he sneaks off to moonpool just to do his business there. Anyone wonder why it's so SHINY?

Jayfeather: When can I go already?

Eveningpaw: Jayfeather... OK I got nothing... wait! Jayfeather... as he is a bird, then I shall name him Eggpaw.

Jayfeather: I'm a full medicine cat, and not a egg!

Eveningpaw: Yeah, I'm just egging you on to humiliate yourself!

Jayfeather: stop it.

Eveningpaw: I just crack myself up sometimes.

Jayfeather: STOP WITH THE EGG PUNS!

Eveningpaw: This is a slow show..

Billowpaw: Wait, I got one! Jayfeather. HE HAS HYGENE ISSUES!!! WIPE WELLLLLL!!! Jayfeather. Lay off the cat mint. Jayfeather. Your breath smells. Jayfeather. If I collected all his spit, then it would be the ocean. Jayfeather. Isn't he gray, not blue? (continues with really nonfunny stuff for the next hout or so, the others all asleep. Eventually, Fogpaw gets tired and uses the camera as a pillow, and the TV screen gets fuzzy and sideways when Billowpaw was insulting his claws [Look at the grime!])

Eveningpaw: Hey, where is Jayfeather gone? (loolks around) HUH?

Sleetfoot: He hasn't gotten back to the forest...

Eveningpaw: He's loose in the studio?!

END

Ok, this one wasn't good, but... oh well.

I like Jayfeather, but I needed to do something... Flame city...


	4. Ravenpaw No 1

Thanks to Shadowclaw505 for submitting Ravenpaw!

...........................................

FLUSH......

Billowpaw strolled out of the toilet stall with a newspaper in his paw. He smacked his lips randomly, and went to the sink, newspaper wedged in his elbow now. He turned on the tap, and the water flowed very loudly. When he looked up in the mirror, hr said, "Hmmm, I need to do my do." And he went back down to get water (to use as a slick or gel) for his 'do'. But when he looked back up...

"ARRRGGGG!!" Jayfeather was behind him.... with a fruit knife....

DAN DAN DANNNNN

But it was backwards. And a toy.

ENDS TRANMISSION

.............................................

Eveningpaw: And welcome back to this night's

WARRIOR'S INTERVIEW!

Fogpaw walks up to the stage: Sppppsopsppspsp

Eveningpaw: WHAT?

Fogpaw: Jayshshshshshs Bilshshshhshshshshsh shhshshshsh shsh shshshhsh

Eveningpaw: Holy cow!

Fogpaw: Shshshl

Eveningpaw: Really? Then..... We'll move to the forest to interview! Sleetfoot! Bring all of us to the forest!

Sleetfoot: what? Oh. (presses button)

The studio was gone, but the camera, the microphone,the door, and lights...plus stage... were there, and there was Jayfeather strangling Billowpaw right in front of them.

Cricket: cricket... cricket....

Jayfeather: Ah, *runs away*

Billowpaw: We were finished with him anyway.

Eveningpaw: Ok dockey, (Sudden crash in the forest and birds flying high)

Jayfeather: ow.

Billowpaw: Hey, now, the paper! Ach hem. "-Shrugs-Do Ravenpaw, please,"Shadowclaw505.

Sleetfoot: (Presses button.)

Ravenpaw:(Morning tune) La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la. (You better believe I didn't do copy and paste or anything) la la la la la la la la la... huh?

Eveningpaw: Welcome to.....

WARRIORS INTERVIEW!!!

Ravenpaw: Do I get a free sunday?

BIllowpaw: no.

Ravenpaw: I'm outta here.

BIllowpaw barragess his way: Not so fast, buddy, you have to do this.

Ravenpaw, stepping forward: and if I don't?

Billowpaw: ARG-

-Subway! Eat fresh! Do do do do do do! Subway!!-

Billowpaw, tied up: Har-umph.

Eveningpaw: The comercial comes at the most exciting times.

Billowpaw: LOLOLOLOLOLO

He tries to push Ravenpaw off a cliff, but Eveningpaw falls.

Eveningpaw: You mouse braiinnn.......

Sleetfoot: WHat do we now, when the host is dead...?

Billowpaw: I WILL RULE THE SHOW! (Looks at Ravenpaw) NOW SINCE I AM THE BOSS... AND I CAN DO ANYTHING!!! (ropes burst and turn into snakes and wound upon Ravenpaw)

Ravenpaw: EEP!

Billowpaw: Muhahahaha! Ravenpaw. Cheesey paranoid cat with no sense of NOTHING!!! (Stuffs paw in Ravenpaw's nostril)

Eveningpaw, in Starclan: ohhh...

Billowpaw gets paw out with plunger noise and snot on in: Cool! (eats)

END

What will happen to the show if Billowpaw stays host? It will turn to chaos! What will happen to Ravenpaw? What torture has Billowpaw got up his sleeve? Just a saying?

Eveningpaw; Who is that?

Who is it? Will they ever find out?

Billowpaw: Shut up.'

Will he shut up?

Billowpaw: (eats beans)

Ew! (runs away)


	5. Ravenpaw 2

Warriors Interview, Ravenpaw number 2.

Author's note: I wrote everything.

Synopsis of past: Eveningpaw is killed and Billowpaw takes over. What chaos awaits as he's in his reign?

Cast:

Billowstar: brother, nuisense, host, temporary

Almondkit: reincarnation of Eveningpaw

Sleetfoot and Fogpaw:Others

Ravenpaw: Cunning tom that makes a fool out of Billowstar.

Billowstar: MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!This is Billowstar, and host!

DUN　DDUUNNNN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNN.....

Ravenpaw, over a pit of doom: Hey, isn't this an interview?

Billowstar:.... I ｈａｔｅ　ｙｏｕ．

Ravenpaｗ: You made that point very clear, too much, in my point of view.

Billowstar: I don't care about your 'view'. You could be blind like Eggpaw for all I care!

Ravenpaw: Huh.

Billowstar: Now... I know that Tigerstar, evil mastermind, is after you. Is that because you were too nosy? Hmmm？

Ｒａｖenpaw: no.

Billowstar: DON＇Ｔ　ＹＯＵ　PLAY WITH ME, BOY!

Ravenpaw: I wasn't.

Billowstar: STOP SASSING ME!　OR YOU'LL GET THE WHOOPPING OF A LIFE-TIME!!!!

Ravenpaw: OK

Billowstar: grr.... your're good.

Ravenpaw: thanks.

Billowstar: don't you talk back to me!

Ravenpaw: *sighs*

Billowstar: Anyway, Ravenpaw. Back-talking nosy bratt with a bad attitude, freaks out, and... emo...

Ravenpaw: Emo?

Billowstar, low and dangerous tone: Are you sassing me again...？

Ravenpaw: gulps.

Billowstar: TODAY'S WHOPP'IN IS... TICKLE TORTURE...

Ravenpaw:nooooo!!!!!

Eveningpaw, watching above: I can't let this go on. *uses the power of being the writer and becomes... Almondkit*

Almondkit, looks like a miniature Eveningpaw: Billowpaw? You better be behaving!

Billowpaw: uhhh.... help!

Almondkit: Goodbye, Ravenpaw,

Ravenpaw flicks his tail and disappears.

Billowpaw backs away: hee..... hee...... hee..............?

Almondkit: tickle torture time.

Billowpaw:ＡＲＲＲＨＨＧＨＨＹＳＧＤＨＤＧＨＤＧＤＨＧＤＨＨＨＨＨＨＨＨ！！！！！！！

END


	6. Tigerstar, first interview

Thanks to Nightshimmer, for 'sending' us Tigerstar! Great idea, Nightshimmer!

Oh, and Ｉ am actually two years older than my brother, who is 10.

...................................

Almondkit poked the box. It moved. _What the.... _There were muffed yowls and a distinctive "die" from within. The package said, "'Tigerstar', from Nightshimmer." Now, this was a first. A completely different way of departure....

Almondkit, who was smarter than the idiot next to her, still laughing from 'tickle torture', said, "Hey, Billowpaw.. (Billowpaw: ha ha ha ha).... can you cut this open?"

Chuckling still, he got a pair of scissors and...

Spitting with madness, a huge lump of dark tabby fur and claws landed for her brother.

Billowpaw: ARRRR!!!!

Almondkit: Hey, welcome to...

WARRIORＳINTERVIEW!!!

Almondkit: and I am now.... Almondpaw....

Almondpaw：　Kay, peps, time for our time with... (gestures to the two battling toms)

TIGERSTAR!!!

Tigerstar jumped on Fogpaw, the next victim....

CAMERA SPLAT

............................ＳＴＡＮＤ　ＢＹ......................................

Almondpaw, with Tigerstar in a mental institute's uniform on: So, now we have Tigerstar!

Tigerstar: DIE

Almondpaw, lights on them: Tigerstar... obusive crazy tom that belongs in an assylum. Tigerstar. What kind of ambition is to rule Pixieland?

Tigerstar: die! Pixieland?

Almondpaw: Tigerstar. Why not get a girlfriend? Do something to your pathetic life, already.

Tigerstar growled.

Almondpaw: Oh, is the wittle kittypettie angwee?

Tigerstar struggled with his, um, uniform.

Almondpaw: Hmmm. He's not cooperating. He's a monster.

Tigerstar hisses and drools with foam.

Almondpaw: what shall we do with him?

Billowpaw: kill it!

Almondpaw: um, I don't think tha-

Billowpaw: I really think that we should kill it!

Almondpaw: Really, I-

Billowpaw: I'll do it!

Almondpaw: get it out of your system...

Billowpaw: yay!

Almondpaw:.... by "interviewing" him, you know what I mean?

Billowpaw: well, it's an upgrade, I guess....

..............５　ｍｉｎｕｔｅｓ　ｌａｔｅｒ．．．．..................

Billowpaw: ha ha ha ha ha.....

Tigerstar, in a mental institution 'pixie' costume/uniform: DIE

Billowpaw: Tigerstar. Needs to work out. Look at the flab. Tigerstar. On Santa's naughty list all through his life....

Tigerstar: Santa?

Billowpaw: except... when he was a kit...

Tigerstar: no! Don' t mention the-

Billowpaw, in a hurry to get it out: Tigerstar.....he..........

Tigerstar:ＮＯＯＯＯＯ

Billowpaw: WAS A LITTLE MAMA'S BOY!!!!

Tigerstar: *sob* *hides feace in his paws* SHAME...... *goes in a corner and rocks, sucking his law* OWWW* toungue is cut*

END

Tigerstar will have another interview when he recovers from... uh... histeria. Thanks to Qubi, my brother's username, for telling me what he was ashamed of. Inside source, you know. *winks*


	7. Scourge and his Tutu

Thanks to Ashstar leader of darkclan, for giving us Scourge... in a tutu?

*******************

Almondpaw, watching Scourge dance to the studio:... can you stop that? It's disturbing me....

Scourge: Nuh uh! We're a package deal!

Almondpaw: ... package? It's a tutu! Not alive!!

Tutu: hey.

Almondpaw: *screams*

Billowpaw: It's a day off when you get talking inanimate objects.

Tutu: let's get it ON!

Almondpaw: Welcome to

WARRIORS INTERVIEW!!!

Almondpaw: Today, we are doing things differently and actually interviewing cats for once.

Tutu: yay!

Almondpaw: Now, Scourge, what do you like about massacres?

Scourge: They paint my claws for me! Bloody red, like the ones in the stores! But it's really hard to get the blood stains out of my pedigree fur! *licks*

Almondpaw:........... Ohhh kkkkaaayyyyy...... What is your favorite food?

Scourge: Tacos, but I didn't eat them for a while now...

Almondpaw: why?

Tutu: Don't ask.

Almondpaw: huh?

Tutu: If you were right above his hiny when he eats tacos...?

Almondpaw: ohhh.... ouch....

Scourge: He complains too much.

Almondpaw: Why do you hate other cats so much?

Scourge: Because they don't respect personal space, they're all dirty wirtie, they smell like... like.... like... CATS!

Almondpaw: WHy not move in as a kitty pet? And they're cats, of course they smell like cats!

Scourge: Oh, right....

Almondpaw: Since I have nothing, Bye bye!


	8. Ashfurrybutt, Brackenfur, and Hollyleaf

Thank you Moonstream-warrior for submitting a sponser, Dares And Tortures! I love it! Footcheese ahoy!

An, to Brackenfurlover for giving us Brackenfur, who is pretty quiet at the moment... and to Frostclaw88 for giving us Ashfur, a soda, and a chainsaw (thanks), and also Macey-the-Invisible for giving us Hollyleaf, dead or not!

Thanks again!

*****************************

Almondpaw: Hey, there! Welcome to

WARRIORS INTERVIEW!

Almondpaw: Alright! We've got 3 new cats up here, and we are going to start with.....

Billowpaw: Einnie meenie moonie mo.............Ashfur!

Ashfur magically walks here without the door.

Almondpaw: gah! How did you get here?

Ashfur: The magical powers of my awesomeness that radiates from my fur, DUH.

Billowpaw: I have awesomeness powers, too!

Almondpaw: Those are stench marks.

Billowpaw: oh. Are they still magical?

Almondpaw: if you count bringing whoever's in a 2 meter's radius gets knocked out or gags in tears... then yes.

Billowpaw: yay!

Almondpaw signed.

Ashfur was getting the chainsaw while we were bickering.

Billowpaw: Hey, where is he?

Ashfur, in a hockey mask: MUHAHAHAHHAHA!!!

Almondpaw, rolling eyes, chucks the soda at him.

Ashfur: AHHHH!!! My awesomeness is tainted by... *looks at the can* Root beer! I hate that stuff! *faints*

***************************************

Almondpaw: Hey, sorry for the standby, folks, but Ashfur is currently too sick at the moment, so we have....

BIllowpaw: Brackenfur!!!

Brackenfur: ......

Almondpaw: So, which cat do you hate the most in your clan?

Brackenfur:....

Almondpaw: Oh, come off it, are you mute?

Brackenfur: *sighs* fine. I hate....

Billowpaw: Ashfur!

Brackenfur, giving Billowpaw 'the glare': I hate...

BIllowpaw: Ashfur!

Brackenfur: I hate...

Billowpaw: Ashf- *brackenfur throws a rock at him*

Billowpaw, getting up: *dizzy* Nooo, theere's Aashfurr with a chainsaw behind you.

Ashfur: Hey.

Brackenfur: *screams , and it's the second time in the show in a row*

Ashfur chases Brackenfur around the studio.

Almondpaw: Freeze *author rightness*

The whole scene is frozen.

Almondpaw walks up to Ashfur and replaces the chainsaw with soda, then comes back.

Ashfur: DI- hey, what the Dark Forest, DOCTOR PEPPER??? ARRRRRRGGGGGGGG!!!!!!

Brackenfur, huffing: I hate... Ashfur.

Almondpaw: Right-o, now, for both of you. What do you hate about each other?

Brackenfur: He tried to kill me.

Ashfur: He's... he's... MORE AWESOME THAN I AM!!!

Almondpaw: You're free to go then.

Brackenfur and Ashfur: Thank Starclan for that!

Almondpaw: Now we have... Hollyleaf!

Hollyleaf strolls in the studio from the door.

Hollyleaf: Greetings.

Almondpaw: Oh, so you're still alive?

Hollyleaf: Vicky Holmes said that I was still in the caves, but in Wikipedia, she said that I died while hiding in the caves.

Almondpaw: That's quite a pickle, then! Ok, which of your clanmates annoys you the most?

Hollyleaf: ... Mousedung.

Almondpaw: ?

Hollyleaf: .... it's ....Toadkit.... he.... stuffed some mouse dung in my ear when he was really small.

Almondpaw: ew.

Billowpaw: You're sooooo lucky.

Hollyleaf:...

Almondpaw: In saying, what kind of fresh kill do you prefer?

Hollyleaf: Ashfurrybutt.

Almondpaw: Sure...Why are you so obsessed with the Warrior code?

Hollyleaf: That's my power.

Almondpaw: But you're not one of the three.

Hollyleaf: I'm not? Then..... I guess I'm just weird.

Almondpaw: Totally! More like it!

Almondpaw: Join us next time, on

WARRIORS INTERVIEW!

***********************

Sponsors: Dares and Tortures, Subway, and...

Rabid pops. Clears the digestive way, but gets you rabid! No more explosive diarhea, at least!


End file.
